It’s been some time since the tragic death of Lucy Meadows from Accrington, from the time I found out to today the story of her tragic end has haunted me. I never knew Lucy but being transdgender I always had a connection to her story and the felt deeply the pain she must have endured.
I find it so sad that in this day and age people like Lucy and indeed myself struggle so hard personally with a condition they didn’t choose, invariably don’t want and yet have so much to give and so much insight in many ways. The struggle with ourselves often is more than enough to finish most people, let alone the guilt, self loathing, fear and upset that we have to endure or top of which we have to face and deal with loved one, work, family, friends and society in general
Today I read an article on the Bolton news website from 29th May 2013 it detailed the report form the inquest and specifically published the letter Lucy left –
This the letter Lucy Meadows left explaining why she had taken her own life.
It used to be that people asked me ‘why’ and say things like ‘you cannot do that’ and stare at me in equal measures of disbelief and pain. It seems today I have made progress as several people have asked ‘why are you still here?’
I try to do things the right way to make people feel more comfortable with it. I have listened to and worked with mental health professionals, but I still see only one path that is right for me. I have suffered loss and pain in my life. I have issues around being trans (gender).
My job is stressful and I have debts. I feel a fraud for even mentioning these things. Plenty of people have greater and more numerous difficulties in their lives.
It was my decision to distance myself from my parents. Me and Ruth would never really have gone the distance and I am thrilled she has found her current partner.
I have trans issues, but they are always improving. The amount of acceptance I have had from friends, family and others in the community has been overwhelming.
Teaching is a stressful job, but one I love doing. I work alongside a great staff in a happy school. I have strategies in place to pay off my debts.
I have had many amazing experiences and good things in my life which I am truly grateful for.
So what then of my decision? I have simply had enough of living. I am not depressed or mentally ill in some way.
I may have different views than others, but this is right for me. All the things I ever wanted to accomplish, I have done. I have no regrets other than leaving behind those who are dear to me and of causing them pain in doing so.
I would like to thank everyone who has had an impact on my life
Lucy died in tragic circumstances and felt tortured in so many ways, her death must been seen as a warning shot in the dark from the dark pit of transgender suffering, a shot or even a call for help, for society at large to at very least make it easier for Transgender people to simply live and get on and to hopefully learn to feel as normal as they can.
Being transgender is for life for as long as we live – if you know or see a transgender person at work, in the street or in everyday life, treat them the same as anyone else they are at the end of the day only human who have endure more than their fair share of life’s troubles.
Lucy Meadows – gone but never forgotten.