Over the many years of coping and learning to understand my Gender Dyphoria I’ve had to stop myself from ‘blowing myself up’. At times this has proved so hard, at other times it was simply hard to even lift myself to a point where I could operate.
However I did, I managed it. As I fought myself it struck me that western culture provides us with the perfect platform to enter easily into the realm of self pity, readily making us compare ourselves to other, teaching us that more is more, and that more brings happiness. I found for me at very least, it isn’t the case.
No matter if we have a little or a lot if we always want more simply in search of happiness then we wont ever be truly happy or satisfied. It’s good to gain more from a foundation of solid spiritual contentment and happiness but to want more because we feel more will bring us more happiness….? For me it proved to be counter productive making more miserable. This concept may seem foreign to some, but it I knew it in myself.
As time went on I began to break it all back down and work with a comparison method that runs against the more is more theory, using “the what I have I appreciate” method. Instead of saying “I wish I was a….” and so comparing myself to others in a negative way (putting myself down) I said “I’m glad I’m not a … ” filling in my list as I went. Psychologically I found building from a framework of “I’m glad I’m not a … ” gave me a easy way to understand what I was and appreciate myself in the day.
Its not to say I dont aspire to greater comforts, a better environment or more money – I do, but I ask myself how those things will enhance what I already have rather than believe they will be the sticking plaster for my own failings. I simply ask myself “Do I need ….” and then if I can answer yes to “Would I like …” and then “Will … add true value to my life” then I consider it a little more. For instance “Do I need a new car”. Well my old car is getting very old – so maybe yes. Would I like a new car – yes. Lastly
Being someone who was born gender variant, transgender, transsexual or as I prefer to call it Two Spirit it seemed all too easy to say – when I I change gender I will be happy. Changing gender wasn’t ever the answer, being happy at the core first was the true sanctity I needed to find happy at the deepest level of me. Understanding I simply can’t change my gender because it makes me was an important part of me settling within me, how can I change gender I can only stabilise my bio-psychology and hope to be accepted in society for me.
So if you are feeling blue, down, depressed a little, fed up, feel worthless etc … try complete the line, “I’m glad I’m not ….” I’m sure you will find many many words to add to the end of it.
Reach inside and cuddle the true you.