Having had gender confusion all my life, become ill because of it, spent heaps of money trying to ease my symptoms, thought about ending my life on a number of occasions and eventually started to emerge out the other side. If nothing else I know what gender confusion can feel like and how it can cause total and abject destruction and upset throughout your life.
In this short post I want to point out a few things to anyone suffering from gender confusion.
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Millions of people are dealing with gender confusion and millions have developed a life that works for them.
- YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. No matter what you think or think people may think you are not a freak or anything else like that. You are normal like everyone else, really you are. Although this may sound difficult to grasp right now, the problem is as much to do with the society you live in as anything else. Yes medication may help you but first stop, breath and understand you are no different to anyone else its all a matter of shifting perception and working to overcome the hurdles. You are not a freak – DO NOT BELIEVE IT.
- NEVER GIVE UP – no matter how hard it all gets never give up, where there’s a will, there’s away. Often a way comes from a place we never expected, and as long as there’s a will you will find a way to overcome gender confusion.
- LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. This I know is hard, very hard for me it was the hardest part and I still find it hard. But start today. For me I take life slowly and listen and understand me, take time out from the noise of life and listen deep to you. You may not learn to love yourself ever in your life but if you can learn to love yourself more then it will benefit you as you will learn to accept yourself too.
- DO NOT RUSH OR DO ANYTHING RASH … this is essential too. If you are having gender confusion issues you need to properly understand why and start make a plan to fix the problem. Some associate fixing the problem with having a sex change but that is a sex change not a gender change, gender is much more than that. People can have sex changes and still have gender confusion … your gender is your gender, it’s an understanding of you and how you behave and present not what’s between your legs, although I appreciate to some that matters a lot too.
- GET SOME SUPPORT – do not be ashamed to speak to your doctor, ring a support group or contact someone via email. But speak to someone who can help by providing advice through their own life experience or can direct you to the next stage. If your doctor doesn’t help or isn’t supportive then change doctor until you find one that will help. Take a look at the support links.
Above all else understand this … you can deal with gender confusion and you can live a better life. I’ve understood from my own battles with gender confusion a lot of the problem is society, prejudice and ignorance. It is getting much better slowly. Coupled with this so many people are so ashamed of their gender confusion issues they keep it hidden, that means many suffer in silence and so the message fails to get out into society. It’s a vicious cycle, the more people who hide the more people will need to hide .. but I understand coming out is terrifying.
Lastly to all the people who are reading this and wondering what’s the problem. Gender confusion is a real problem a very very real problem. If you want to help people get past their gender confusion, understand they are as normal as you 1and it isn’t necessarily linked to their sexuality, it is only an expression of who they are.
If you do suffer from gender confusion try this – ask people what gender they are. The chances are you will get man or woman, and then ask them why they are that gender. The reasons why they say they are that gender is an never ending list and moveable. Most people simply do not know, have no real understanding of why they are the gender they are. People’s definition of gender and societies understanding of gender roles shifts and is fluid. So ask people the question and understand gender is a personal understanding and not a simple boy girl answer.
Gender is not one or the other … I describe myself simply as me. I am a me, not transgender, not gender confused, simply me a variant of the human species just like everyone else. I am no different to people with brown hair, green yes, yellow skin, or any other variant I am as normal as the next person – and they as as abnormal as me. It takes all sorts to make a world nobody is normal or abnormal we are simply variants on a
Have a read of the Two Spirit website. Here’s some links to get you started.
If you like send me an email about your gender confusion